French Toast Assassin

7:57 p.m. ♦ 2003-02-23

Oh Rapture...Oh Joy...What next???

Hey Kids...Another exciting entry from your beloved..or not so beloved ...

Oh where do I start?

Shingles...Tom has broken out in Shingles..not the roofing kind either. Two weeks ago, he started having a terrible terrible pain in his side, then he broke out in a rash...we thought it was because of the heating pad....but still this persistant, stabbing pain..with a dull pain chaser...

Agony is living with a man with Shingles, a man that at first does not think that Shingles is contagious...a grumpy grumpy man in pain, having lived on little sleep for the last few weeks...Fabu..No? And yet after the vicodin, and the newest drug of the Dr.'s choice (Amitriphtyline), I looked this wierd drug up, from what I saw the bad out-weighed the good..but then again..I dont have G.O.D. after my last name, now do I ?? It's supposed to block the pain he is feeling, other than making him moody, cottonmouthed, and very very groggie...its not taking the pain away, pure and simple.

Im behind in everything, laundry, cleaning, personal shit, I seem to have no time, and when I do, im too exhaused to even attempt much, like at the moment..im convinced that I will break out in shingles on my face...hehehe..as I am renound, at least in some circles for being a bit of a medical oddity...having had spinal taps, broken bones, chicken pox(at 19yrs), appendix out, c-sections...etc....

Sick children, well on an off and on again kind of revolving basis.

As in just now, the boy, nearly puked upon the stairs, and is now in the bathroom..going big jobs.

Im still working at the Vid-i-ot store, though it is wearing on me...in ways that will just sound to whinney to go on about...

Im eating chocolate at an alarming rate, and fear that I am growing fatter by the day, though no one seems to notice...

I want so desperatly to fall into the great pit of depression, im half way in..letting go and falling down deeper sounds good at this time, laying in bed with the covers over my head til spring sounds good, but is impractical at this moment.

Why...oh for some the actual depression is easy, it's the falling down and not getting up part that I cannot do, If i fall down and or lay down because of the stress of it all...lest all fall and unravel even worse before me...such as housework, the miniscule amount of respect that I recieve for what I do do...(hahahahah)

Isnt it strange that the idea of falling behind in my housework, keeps me from settling into a nice long depression? As for being half way there....the teeth...the hair...neglected, much like the garden.

So my mum calls me this AM, I answer the phone, as the caller id box says "Unknown Caller", "Unknown Caller" is the bane of my supper hour...and the interuptor of quiet evenings...and im sure 90% of the reason I get booted off the internet every twenty minutes(at times)...so after Unknown Caller calls me two times within literally seconds..I answer the phone..thinking..ok..i'll just do what I have been doing as of late, and that is pretending that I am not me, but rather the person who takes messages for me...(good plan..no?) unfortunatly that does not work with ones MUM...so aside from the Joy and Rapture that my mum is now feeling after having fucked a 20+ year relationship with her ex-room mate, and now living in an apartment across the street from her work, (not that she wanted to rub that joy and rapture in anyones distracted face...ahem...(I was preocupied with dishes, and children)...she asks me what I need..and if I will be moving before next winter..I reply that yes..I will move and what I need above pots and pans, and any trivial thing..would be money..and she replies..."everyone has their hand out"...and tells me how her lawyer friend...(raised eye brow) has been comming into her store and whinning about money...etc...

No fucking wonder im depressed, and desperate..

Check this:

Im actually looking to donate my eggs...FOR MONEY...

I watched this story on the telly the other night..do you know the market value of a good egg..just one..

go ahead guess..

Ill give you some time..

talk amongst yourselves..

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ok, its like $6,000.000 per fucking egg...

but do they want the egg of some rambling white girl with bad spelling? not to mention the nerosis....