I hate this situation, weeks, and days spent calling and talking to lawyers, people who are supposed to be half way intellegent people, holders of some sort of public trust, and just when you think you are getting somewhere with them, they tell you to call them at a specific hour, and then they are not there. Even though they tell you to call at a certain time, and then you stupidly go along with them thinking..hey, maybe I just got thru their thick heads...then they go and break you in half almost as a person.

So am I broke? Yes for alot of reasons, firstly our financial situation now I feel is my fault...If I would of..you know the game, hindsight and all...being that I cannot turn the clock back and get a FUCKING straight answer from any of the players in this high drama..I must just press forward. The score is:

Minerva 0

Fucking Lawyers:10+

Fucking Contractors:10+

course that is an arbitrary number..but they are both way ahead of me not only financially but in every other way. So I sit here at my chair cross-legged..trying to box my way out of this conundrum.

1. This is not my problem! Well, like or not girlie, this is now your problem and has been since August 7th..so boo hoo

2. Why are people who are in reasonably high ranking positions within firms or within government agencies not able to say what they mean, and mean what they say. Instance: The Parole officer tells tom, 42+ days after his inital pick up that he was just going to let tom go...but three days after being in the local jail is ascerting to me that he owes the time and there fore will have serve it..point blank..no options..I get a local attorney, suddenly there are options on the table.

3. Im sick of all of this, SICK of it, im almost ruined over it, in everyway...how you ask? Physically im tired of fighting, explaining, calling, waiting blah blah fucking blah...and its not like once or twice, its more like daily then it started to trickle into every other day, then it was at least once a week contacting other 'Adults' to get a straight answer from them. This year is fucked, ive just been in denial over the whole thing, now im blaming myself for our financial situation, the absolute worry was like drownding every few minutes...and the icing on the cake was this guy that was working for us, was double dipping...getting paid by me for work, not doing it..and getting paid by the general contractor at the same time...taking advantage of the situation, my distractedness at the time..distraught about Tom, and having to man the phone to console him, and make calls get paperwork together regarding all of this I couldnt be on the job site at the same time...FUCK!! I am but one woman...

4. Christmas, yea..right. I have tried and tried to really get into the mood of it all, and I was quite close the day I took the kids to chop down a tree, we had hot apple cider and chatted with the tree farmer out in the middle of no-where wisconsin,drag it home and prop it up in my living-room, decorate it, then we had a sleep out under/near the tree...It could be that im all emotional anyway..ya know? That im just taking it all in, taking it all to heart. It's just so reminiscent of every other year in my life...married that is where 'shit goes pear shaped', and your left freaking or picking up the peices of it all, suddenly playing catch up...when does shit happen at an even keil? When are my salad days? You want me to blow hot air up your ass? Fine, this too shall pass..things will get better, shit will work itself out..FUCK YOU..one little thing I have learned, if your not proactive..you truly are fucked, and when your not looking people will fuck you over..and if you dont take a stand and say what you mean..yea..you will get fucked..just try and avoid getting fucked is all im saying.

Tomorrow is christmas eve...round 2ish we are headed over to a get-together...with my friend aka the town drunk..ok that was uncalled for but im pissy now. Im not going to stay long, and I doubt if Tom-ass will come with, he will make me go by myself to face the gauntlet..isnt this just typical? His querrie: 'What are you going to do with that dough in the fridge?'...'Honey did you call the laywers?'...'Babe, why dont you go to the court house and see about a carpenters lein?'...'Are you going to call the food bank?'...'Minerva..what are you going to do about that dough?'..'Have you called the lawyers yet?'...over and fucking over again..til I just want to walk out the door and get in the car and drive it til it runs out of gas, (I wouldnt get far with what is in there now), and just end up in the middle of no-where and just sit...so, I dont like the constant reminders...Well, a new year maybe it will be a new begining, ya know, learn from your mistakes..and press on......

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♦ French Toast Assassin is .

♦ French Toast Assassin is .

♦ French Toast Assassin is .