To all the motha's out there...Happy Day!!!

We worked six days this week...some days were short while we were waiting for drywall mud to dry..or coats of paint to dry before another coat could be applied..plus its an interior where someone lives..so that makes it a bit more difficult and time consuming tearing apart someones house then having to put it all back together when you are done...like when you disconnect the DVD player, sattellite reciever, VCR from the telly..and are left with a pile of coaxil cable..trying to reverse engineer the entire thing...and on top of that come home and clean..make supper..water the garden...do the laundry...BLEH..Im just tired from it all today..course I could just be a whiner as well.

Ok, so I whine...its not as if people are lined up at the friggin door to listen and brainstorm with me over my problems..so I gotta do it somewhere.

I send a message,

and hope it gets thru...

I have not spoken to my mother in at least a year. I would probably crash the WWW in some vague attempt to explain what has happened, and what used to happen..and the why's and how it relates well, to just about everything..cause most things do..or they affect other things, timelines, lives etc...I tried most of this week to just ignore the holiday on Sunday, and any and all feelings that I may or may not have about it...and mum, cause I am stuck...Ive pondered well written letters that she could not edit to her advantage,(the notorious B has taken many a well meaning letter round the town, on public display to humiliate, or garter allies against the letter writer)...not accusatory letters, a letter that would explain how I feel about myself when I am thinking and or involved with her..and her never-ending wierdness. Phone calls dont work, and face to face meetings are not possible at this distance. Phone calls dont work because the notorious B does not now nor has she ever truly believed that she has ever been wrong in her actions..and if pressed..denys the event even took place..that is where I get stuck...I feel this sick pitty in the pit of my stomach when I think of her in her totality...I feel ashamed for not having a life with her...I feel ashamed having a regular life with hardly any drama in it because Im not involved with her right now too...

Guilt..what shape are thou? Why do I get to carry it around like a stone in my shoe?

♦♦♦♦♦

♦ French Toast Assassin is thinking.

♦ French Toast Assassin is trying to assemble that master list.

♦ French Toast Assassin is watching saturday night live.